Priest and a Nun...
A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available.

Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed.
Nun: I think that would be okay.

They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold.
Priest: Okay,I'll get you a blanket. (He does)

Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold.
Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does)

Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think theLord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own damn blanket.

The Reverend John Fuzz...
The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.

"Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"

"Shure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave backhand forth. The reverend realized that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here, buddy, we won't have any of that carrying on in this bar."

The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz."

The bartender nodded. "Well if you're that far you may as well finish."

Arthritis
A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading---a couple of minutes later he asked the priest, "Father what causes arthritis"?

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women,too much alcohol and contempt for your fellow man".

"Well I'll be damned", the drunk muttered and returned to reading his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he said turned to the man and apologized. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong---how long have you had arthritis"?

"I don't, father, I was just reading in the paper that the Pope has it".

The Seven Dwarfs Meet The Pope
The seven dwarfs are in Rome and they go on a tour of the city. After a while they go to the Vatican and meet the pope. Grumpy, for once, seems to have a lot to say; he keeps asking the pontiff questions about the church, and in particular, nuns.
"Your Holiness, do you have any really short nuns?"

"No, my son, all our nuns are at least five feet tall."

"Are you sure? I mean, you wouldn't have any nuns that are, say, about my height? Maybe a little shorter?"

"I'm afraid not. Why do you ask?"

"No reason." Pause. "Positive? Nobody in a habit that's about three feet tall, two and a half feet tall?"

"I'm sure."

"Okay."

Grumpy looks dejected at this news, and the pope wonders why. So he listens to the dwarfs as they leave the building.

"What'd he say? What'd he say?" chant the other six dwarfs.

Grumpy says, "He said they don't have any."

And the other six start chanting, "Grumpy fucked a penguin! Grumpy fucked a penguin! Grumpy fucked a penguin!"....

St Peter Gets Bored
St Peter gets fed up with standing at the pearly gates and giving or denying access to Heaven. Jesus offers to take over. A man comes up to him.
"I'm looking for my son." he says

"And who are you" says Jesus

"I suppose I'm the closest this he has to a Father." says the man

"What do you do?" asks Jesus curiously

"I suppose you could say I'm a carpenter" says the man

"And does your son have holes in his hands and feet?" asks Jesus excitedly.

"He does!" shouts the man

"DADDY!" shouts Jesus

"PINNOCHIO!" shouts Guisseppe