Restroom Policy

To: All employees
From: Management
RE: Restroom Policy

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under information guidelines. Effective Feb. 1, 1995, a Restroom TripPolicy (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time.

Under this policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given aRestroom Trip Credit of 20. Restroom Trip Credits can be accumulated from month to month.

Within two weeks, the entrances to all restrooms are being equipped with personnel identification stations and computer linked voice recognition devices. Before January 31, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to Management. The voice print recognition will be in operation, but not connected to restrooms until the end of the month. Employees should acquaint themselves with these stations during that period.

If an employee's Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the month. In addition, any restroom stalls that are occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract, the toilet will flush and the stall door will open. If the stall still remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the wall in the main office. This is being done to eliminate dilly-dallying in the restrooms. Anyone's picture showing up three times will immediately be terminated.

If you have any questions about the RTP, please ask your supervisor.

Never Gonna Stay In Your Hotella No More
The Manager
Y.M.C.A. Hotel
LONDON

Roma 28 sept. 1981

Dear signore Direttore, Noew I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at jour hotella.

I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a-younga christian man at your hotella.

When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed - how can I sleep with no shit in my bed? So I calla down receptione and tella: "I wanta shit" They tella me: "Go to toilet" I say:"No, no I wanta shit in my bed". They say: "You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch". What is sonna-wa-bitch?

I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga and two pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and point at toast: "I wanta piss". She tella me: "Go to toilet". I say: "No, no I wanta piss on my plate". She then say to me: "You bloody wella not piss on the plate, you sonna-wa-bitch".

This is the second person who do not even know me calla me "sonna.wa.bitch", and why is your staff replying "Go to toilet", is that a modern tella? I do no undestand, please tella me!

Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress: "I wanta fock". And she tella me: "Sure, everyone wanta fock". I tella her: "No, no you don't understanda me, I wanta fock on the table". She tella me: "So you sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the table? Get your ass out of here!" How comma this christian hotella tella the guest in such bad manner?

So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotel no more. When I have paid the a-billa the portier say to me: "Thank you, and piss on You". I say: "Piss on you too, you sonna-wa-bitch. I now go back to Italy". Directore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch.

Sincerely
Dicci Elgré