Murphy's Laws I part

1.All the good ones are taken. 2.If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1) 3.The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you. 4.Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant. 5.The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them. 6.Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position. 7.The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it. 8.Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction. 9.Nice guys(girls) finish last. 10.If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. 11.Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.

Murphy's laws II.part

1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. 2.Nothing improves with age. 3.No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again. 4.Sex has no calories. 5.Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. 6.There is no remedy for sex but more sex. 7.Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got. 8.No sex with anyone in the same office. 9.Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last. 10.A man in the house is worth two in the street. 11.If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. 12.Virginity can be cured. 13.When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him. 14.Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. 15.The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later. 16.Sex is dirty only if it's done right. 17.It is always the wrong time of month. 18.The best way to hold a man is in your arms. 19.When the lights are out, all women are beautiful. 20.Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either. 21.Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure. 22.The younger the better. 23.The game of love is never called off on account of darkness. 24.It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden. 25.Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly. 26.Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs. 27.There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it. 28.Love your neighbor, but don't get caught. 29.Love is a hole in the heart. 30.If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon. 31.Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics. 32.Do it only with the best. 33.Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning. 34.One good turn gets most of the blankets. 35.You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women. 36.Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. 37.It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. 38.Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood. 39.Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you. 40.Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song. 41.Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested. 42.A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't. 43.What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick. 44.It is better to be looked over than overlooked. 45.Never say no. 46.A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her. 47.Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps. 48.Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone. 49.Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog. 50.A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride. 51.Love comes in spurts. 52.The world does not revolve on an axis. 53.Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant. 54.Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. 55.Don't do it if you can't keep it up. 56.There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love. 57.Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight. 58.Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. 59."This won't hurt, I promise."

Murphy's Laws III.part

1.Think before you act; it's not your money. 2.All good management is the expression of one great idea. 3.No executive devotes effort to proving himself wrong. 4.Cash in must exceed cash out. 5.Management capability is always less than the organization actually needs. 6.Either an executive can do his job or he can't. 7.If sophisticated calculations are needed to justify an action, don't do it. 8.If you are doing something wrong, you will do it badly. 9.If you are attempting the impossible, you will fail. 10.The easiest way of making money is to stop losing it.

Murphy's General Rules

1.Nothing is as easy as it looks. 2.Everything takes longer than you think. 3.Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. 4.If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then. 5.If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway. 6.If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. 7.Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. 8.If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 9.Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. 10.Mother nature is a bitch. 11.It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. 12.Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. 13.The light at the end of the tunnel is only the light of an oncoming train. 14.Every solution breeds new problems. 15.Two wrongs are only the beginning. 16.If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 17.To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. 18.Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the budget. 19.Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. 20.The tough part of a Data Processing Manager's job is that users don't really know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want. 21.Exceptions always outnumber rules. 22.To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 23.No one is listening until you make a mistake. 24.He who hesitates is probably right. 25.The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled. 26.If somthing is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine. 27.One child is not enough, but two children are far too many. 28.A clean tie attracts the soup of the day. 29.The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the butter. 30.The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs. 31.When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two weeks to clear. 32.When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight. 33.The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow. 34.The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs. 35.You never want the one you can afford. 36.Never ask the barber if you need a haircut or a salesman if his is a good price. 37.If it says ``one size fits all,'' it doesn't fit anyone. 38.You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 39.The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. 40.Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent. 41.When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all other coins will roll out of sight. 42.The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 43.Experience is somthing you don't get until just after you need it. 44.Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. 45.No matter which way you go, it's uphill and against the wind. 46.If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods. 47.Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence. 48.Progress is made on alternative Fridays. 49.No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. 50.The hidden flaw never remains hidden. 51.As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline encounters turbulence. 52.For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. 53.People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made. 54.A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 55.When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be illegible. 56.The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish. 57.Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. 58.The one item you want is never the one on sale. 59.The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys. 60.If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be unreasonable.