COWS AND POLITICAL SYSTEMS

What is this all about?
Republican, American style

You have two cows.Your neighbor has none.So?

Democrat, American style

You have two cows.Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful.

Barbara Streisand sings for you.

Capitalism, American dream

You have two cows.You sell one, buy a bull,

and build a herd of cows.
SocialismYou have two cows.The government

takes one and gives it to your

neighbor.You form a cooperative to tell him how

to manage his cow.

Communism

You have two cows.The government seizes

both and provides you with milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it.It is expensive

and sour.

Bureaucracy, European Union style

You have two cows.Under the new farm program

the government pays you

not to milk one, milks the other, and then pours the

milk down the drain.
Political CorrectnessYou are "associated with"

(the concept of "ownership" is an

expression of the phallo-centric, war-mongering,

and chauvinistic past) two

differently-aged

(but no less valuable to society) bovines of

non-specified gender.

Feminism

You have two cows.They get married and

adopt a veal calf.
TotalitarianismYou have two cows.The

government takes them and denies

they ever existed.Milk is banned.

Counter Culture

Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows,

man.

You got to have some of this

milk.

Surrealism

You have two giraffes.The government requires

you to take harmonica lessons.

Danish Municipality, Farum styleYou have two

cows.You sell one, lease it back

to yourself and takes out a loan on the second one.

You spin an announcement to

the analysts stating you have downsized and are

reducing expenses.Your

popularity goes up.

Democracy, Florida style

You have a black cow and a brown cow.

Everyone votes for the best looking one.

Some of the people who actually like the

brown one best accidentally vote for the

black one.Some people vote for both.Some

people vote for neither.Some people

can't figure out how to vote at all.Finally, a

bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you

which one you think is the best-looking cow.

Californian styleYou have millions of cows.

They make real California cheese.Only

five speak English.Most are illegals.Arnold

likes the ones with the big udders.

French style

You have two cows.You go on strike

because you want three cows.You go to

lunch and drink wine.Life is good.

Japanese style

You have two cows.You redesign them so

they are one-tenth the size of an

ordinary cow and produce twenty times

the milk.They learn to travel on

unbelievably crowded trains.Most are at

the top of their class at cow school.

German style

You have two cows.You engineer them so

they are all blond, drink lots of

beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a

hundred miles an hour.

Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks

of vacation per year.

Italian style

You have two cows but you don't know where

they are.While ambling

around, you see a beautiful woman.You

break for lunch.Life is good.

Russian style

You have two cows.You have some vodka.

You count them and learn you

have five cows.You have some more vodka.

You count them again and

learn you have 42 cows.The Mafia shows up

and takes over however

many cows you really have.

Indian style

You have two cows.You worship both of them.

Taliban style

You have all the cows in Afghanistan,

which are two.You don't milk

them because you cannot touch any

creature' private parts.You get

a $40 million grant from the US government

to find alternatives to

milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

Iraqi style

You have two cows.They go into hiding.

They send radio tapes of their

mooing.