Murphy's Laws I part

1.All the good ones are taken. 2.If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1) 3.The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you. 4.Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant. 5.The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them. 6.Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position. 7.The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it. 8.Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction. 9.Nice guys(girls) finish last. 10.If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. 11.Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.

Murphy's laws II.part

1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. 2.Nothing improves with age. 3.No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again. 4.Sex has no calories. 5.Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. 6.There is no remedy for sex but more sex. 7.Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got. 8.No sex with anyone in the same office. 9.Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last. 10.A man in the house is worth two in the street. 11.If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. 12.Virginity can be cured. 13.When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him. 14.Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. 15.The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later. 16.Sex is dirty only if it's done right. 17.It is always the wrong time of month. 18.The best way to hold a man is in your arms. 19.When the lights are out, all women are beautiful. 20.Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either. 21.Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure. 22.The younger the better. 23.The game of love is never called off on account of darkness. 24.It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden. 25.Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly. 26.Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs. 27.There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it. 28.Love your neighbor, but don't get caught. 29.Love is a hole in the heart. 30.If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon. 31.Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics. 32.Do it only with the best. 33.Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning. 34.One good turn gets most of the blankets. 35.You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women. 36.Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. 37.It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. 38.Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood. 39.Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you. 40.Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song. 41.Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested. 42.A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't. 43.What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick. 44.It is better to be looked over than overlooked. 45.Never say no. 46.A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her. 47.Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps. 48.Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone. 49.Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog. 50.A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride. 51.Love comes in spurts. 52.The world does not revolve on an axis. 53.Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant. 54.Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. 55.Don't do it if you can't keep it up. 56.There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love. 57.Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight. 58.Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. 59."This won't hurt, I promise."

Murphy's Laws III.part

1.Think before you act; it's not your money. 2.All good management is the expression of one great idea. 3.No executive devotes effort to proving himself wrong. 4.Cash in must exceed cash out. 5.Management capability is always less than the organization actually needs. 6.Either an executive can do his job or he can't. 7.If sophisticated calculations are needed to justify an action, don't do it. 8.If you are doing something wrong, you will do it badly. 9.If you are attempting the impossible, you will fail. 10.The easiest way of making money is to stop losing it.

Murphy's General Rules

1.Nothing is as easy as it looks. 2.Everything takes longer than you think. 3.Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. 4.If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then. 5.If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway. 6.If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. 7.Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. 8.If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 9.Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. 10.Mother nature is a bitch. 11.It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. 12.Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. 13.The light at the end of the tunnel is only the light of an oncoming train. 14.Every solution breeds new problems. 15.Two wrongs are only the beginning. 16.If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 17.To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. 18.Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the budget. 19.Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. 20.The tough part of a Data Processing Manager's job is that users don't really know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want. 21.Exceptions always outnumber rules. 22.To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 23.No one is listening until you make a mistake. 24.He who hesitates is probably right. 25.The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled. 26.If somthing is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine. 27.One child is not enough, but two children are far too many. 28.A clean tie attracts the soup of the day. 29.The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the butter. 30.The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs. 31.When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two weeks to clear. 32.When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight. 33.The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow. 34.The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs. 35.You never want the one you can afford. 36.Never ask the barber if you need a haircut or a salesman if his is a good price. 37.If it says ``one size fits all,'' it doesn't fit anyone. 38.You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 39.The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. 40.Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent. 41.When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all other coins will roll out of sight. 42.The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 43.Experience is somthing you don't get until just after you need it. 44.Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. 45.No matter which way you go, it's uphill and against the wind. 46.If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods. 47.Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence. 48.Progress is made on alternative Fridays. 49.No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. 50.The hidden flaw never remains hidden. 51.As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline encounters turbulence. 52.For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. 53.People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made. 54.A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 55.When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be illegible. 56.The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish. 57.Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. 58.The one item you want is never the one on sale. 59.The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys. 60.If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be unreasonable.

Three mistresses were bragging about their posterities. The first woman proudly says "My child is the part of a great royal family of noble rich blood." The second mistress is not to be outdone says, "My child is the part of a very wealthy and prominet social family." The third mistress kept quiet. So other two pressured on her to speak up the roots of her progeny. Finallty she broke the silence and said, "Well, at that moment I was drunk blind in a party with my mouth sunk in a wine glass in a doggie position."

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A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. "What a peaceful & loving couple!" A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once'." "We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' "We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead. "I started an angry protest over her treatment to the horse, while I was Shouting; she looked at me, and quietly said, 'That's once'. And we lived happily ever after."

Whether you gave me suffering or pleasure,

I love you with your happiness and harm,

And even if you must destroy me,

I tear myself painfully out of your armsLike a friend tearing himself away from the breastof a friend...

If you have no more happiness to give me,

Well, then, you still have your pain.

An den Mistral.

Ein Tanzlied.

Mistral-Wind, du Wolken-Jäger,

Trübsal-Mörder,

Himmels-Feger,

Brausender,

wie lieb' ich dich!

Sind wir Zwei nicht Eines Schoosses Erstlingsgabe,

Eines Looses Vorbestimmte ewiglich?

Hier auf glatten Felsenwegen Lauf' ich tanzend dir entgegen,

Tanzend, wie du pfeifst und singst:

Der du ohne Schiff und Ruder Als der Freiheit freister Bruder Ueber wilde Meere springst.

Kaum erwacht,

hört' ich dein Rufen,

Stürmte zu den Felsenstufen,

Hin zur gelben Wand am Meer.

Heil! da kamst du schon gleich hellen Diamantnen Stromesschnellen Sieghaft von den Bergen her.

Auf den ebnen Himmels-Tennen

Sah ich deine Rosse rennen, Sah den Wagen,

der dich trägt,

Sah die Hand dir selber zücken,

Wenn sie auf der Rosse Rücken Blitzesgleich die Geissel schlägt,

- Sah dich aus dem Wagen springen,

Schneller dich hinabzuschwingen,

Sah dich wie zum Pfeil verkürzt Senkrecht in die Tiefe stossen,

- Wie ein Goldstrahl durch die Rosen Erster Morgenröthen stürzt.

Tanze nun auf tausend Rücken,

Wellen-Rücken,

Wellen-Tücken

- Heil, wer neue

Tänze schafft!

Tanzen wir in tausend Weisen,

Frei - sei unsre Kunst geheissen,

Fröhlich - unsre Wissenschaft!

Raffen wir von jeder Blume Eine Blüthe uns zum Ruhme

Und zwei Blätter noch zum Kranz!

Tanzen wir gleich Troubadouren Zwischen Heiligen und Huren,

Zwischen Gott und Welt den Tanz!

Wer nicht tanzen kann mit Winden,

Wer sich wickeln muss mit Binden,

Angebunden, Krüppel-Greis,

Wer da gleicht den Heuchel-Hänsen,

Ehren-Tölpeln,

Tugend-Gänsen,

Fort aus unsrem Paradeis!

Wirbeln wir den Staub der Strassen Allen Kranken in die Nasen,

Scheuchen wir die Kranken-Brut!

Lösen wir die ganze Küste Von dem Odem dürrer Brüste,

Von den Augen ohne Muth!

Jagen wir die Himmels-Trüber,

Welten-Schwärzer,

Wolken-Schieber,

Hellen wir das Himmelreich!

Brausen wir...

oh aller freien Geister Geist,

mit dir zu Zweien Braust mein Glück dem Sturme gleich.

- Und dass ewig das Gedächtniss Solchen Glücks,

nimm sein Vermächtniss,

Nimm den Kranz hier mit hinauf!

Wirf ihn höher, ferner, weiter, Stürm' empor die Himmelsleiter,

Häng ihn - an den Sternen auf!
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Parable of the Madman
Have you not heard of that madman who lit a lantern in the bright morning
hours,
ran to the market place, and cried incessantly:
"I seek God! I seek God!"
As many of those who did not believe in God
were standing around just then,
he provoked much laughter.
Has he got lost? asked one.
Did he lose his way like a child? asked another.
Or is he hiding?
Is he afraid of us? Has he gone on a voyage? emigrated?
Thus they yelled and laughed.
The madman jumped into their midst and pierced them with his eyes.
"Whither is God?" he cried; "I will tell you.
We have killed him---you and I.
All of us are his murderers.
But how did we do this?
How could we drink up the sea?
Who gave us the sponge to wipe away the entire horizon?
What were we doing when we unchained this earth from its sun?
Whither is it moving now? Whither are we moving?
Away from all suns?
Are we not plunging continually?
Backward, sideward, forward, in all directions?
Is there still any up or down?
Are we not straying, as through an infinite nothing?
Do we not feel the breath of empty space?
Has it not become colder? Is not night continually closing in on us?
Do we not need to light lanterns in the morning?
Do we hear nothing as yet of the noise of the gravediggers
who are burying God?
Do we smell nothing as yet of the divine decomposition?
Gods, too, decompose.
God is dead.
God remains dead.
And we have killed him.
"How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers?
What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled
to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us?
What water is there for us to clean ourselves?
What festivals of atonement, what sacred gamesshall we have to invent?
Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us?
Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?
There has never been a greater deed; and whoever is born after us -
For the sake of this deed he will belong to a higher history than all
history hitherto."
Here the madman fell silent and looked again at his listeners;
and they, too, were silent and stared at him in astonishment.
At last he threw his lantern on the ground,
and it broke into pieces and went out.
"I have come too early," he said then; "my time is not yet.
This tremendous event is still on its way, still wandering;
it has not yet reached the ears of men.
Lightning and thunder require time;
the light of the stars requires time;
deeds, though done, still require time to be seen and heard.
This deed is still more distant from them than most distant stars -
and yet they have done it themselves.
It has been related further that on the same day
the madman forced his way into several churches
and there struck up his requiem aeternam deo.
Led out and called to account, he is said always to have replied nothing
but:
"What after all are these churches now
if they are not the tombs and sepulchers of God?"
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Aşk Çıplak Gezer


Bir orospuyu azize yapar aşk ve bir azizeyi orospu.

İnsanların kat kat sarındıkları, her bir katın diğerini gözlerden sakladığı, birbirine benzemeyen ve rengarenk tüller gibi

o anda ruhlarında esen rüzgara göre yer ve renk değiştiren kimliklerinin en üstte kalanını görürüz biz ve aşk, keskin ve ışıltılı bir bıçak gibi bütün o tülleri parçalayarak en derine iner, inci avcılarının ustalığıyla, o derinlerde istiridyeler gibi kendi üstlerine kilitlenmiş gizli kutuların kapaklarını açar, uçarı bir çapkınken sevecen bir adam, oynak bir kadından sadık bir eş, ürkek bir genç kızdan tutkulu bir yosma çıkartır ortaya. Ve aşk çıplak gezer. İnsanlar nedense en çok kendi derinliklerinde gizli olandan korkarlar, ama merak da ederler korktukları şeyi, merakla korku birbirine karışır., kendi içlerine doğru bir adım atıp sonra geri çekilirler. Hem derinliklerindekini gizlemek için tüllerine sarınırlar hem de tüllerini parçalayacak bir çıplak ararlar. Sevmeden sevilmeyi istemelerinin asıl nedeni budur, sanırlar ki sevmeden sevilirlerse eğer, tülleri parçalanmadan derinliklerde saklı olanlar gözükür onlara, kimseye göstermeden kendileri görebilirler orada olanları ve böyle düşünenler hep yanılırlar. Aşk çıplak gezer çünkü ve bir bıçak gibi parçalar tülleri ve aşka dokunmak için soyunmak gerekir. 'Beni bırakma' diye inlemek, orospunun içindeki sadakati, azizenin içindeki oynaklığı ortaya çıkarmak, çapkının sevecenliğini, cesurun korkusunu, yiğidin telaşını, akıllının şaşkınlığını, güçlünün zaafını ele vermek gerekir, görünmeyenin görünür olmasına, dokunulmayanın dokunulur kılınmasına ihtiyaç vardır. Ve insanlar en çok kendi derinliklerinde gizli olanlardan korkarlar ve en çok korktukları şeyi merak ederler. Bilmeseler de hissederler ki haz en derinde olanın, gizlenenin hemen yanındadır ve acı hazzın yanında durur, en acıyacak yerdir o en derinde duran ve aşk bir bıçak gibi dokunur oraya ve hazdan acıyı, acıdan hazzı yalnız aşk yaratır. Bir orospuyu azize yapar aşk ve bir azizeyi orospu. O kat kat tüllerin altında neler gizli, tüllerin sahibi bile bilmez ve hep görmek ister görmekten korktuğunu. Aşktan kaçarak aşkı yakalamak ister herkes ve herkes yakalamaktan korkarak aşkı kovalar. Ve aşk çıplak gezer ve aşka dokunmak için soyunmak, cesareti, gücü, orospuluğu, aklı, bilgiçliği, tecrübeyi, yiğitliği, oynaklığı birer birer atmak gerekir. Aşka dokunan herkes yangına dokunmuş gibi dehşetle çeker elini önce, parçalanan tüllerinin ruhunu darmadağın eden depreminden kaçmaya uğraşır, hastalanmış bir çocuk gibi tüllerine sarınmaya çabalar, inkar eder her şeyi, 'bu sadık kadın ben değilim' der, 'bu ağlayan erkek ben olamam' ve aşka dokunan herkes kaçmaya uğraşırken bağlanır aşka, en derinindekine usulca alışır sonunda, sever kendi içindekini aynı aşık olduğunu sevdiğini gibi. Aşk, kendisine olduğu kadar kendi derinindekine de bağlar insanı, bir başkasına aşık olduğun sürece kendine de aşık olursun, kendi çıplaklığına da tutkunsundur artık, kendi çıplaklığını da seversin bir başkasını severken. Sonra çıplak yerinin acıdığını hissedersin, özlemin sarsıntısını, kıskanmanın kavuruculuğunu, tüllerine sarınmışken duyduğun özlemlere ve kıskançlıklara hiç benzemeyen yeni duygular olarak yaşarsın. Ve aldığın hazzın başka hiç bir hazza benzemediğini keşfedersin. Aşk çıplak gezer. Aşka dokunmak için soyunmak, bütün tüllerinin parçalanmasına razı olmak gerekir. Görmekten en çok korktuğunu, en derinindekini görürsün. Ve aşık olduğunda, bir başkasını sevdiğin kadar seversin kendini. Hazla ve acıyla kavrulmayı öğrenirsin. Ve aşıkken çırılçıplak gezersin. Yalnızca aşıkken kendini çırılçıplak görürsün, gördüğünden korkup gördüğünü severek. Bir orospuyken bir azize, bir azizeyken bir orospu olursun ve ancak aşıkken anlarsın arada bir fark olmadığını.